Monday 9th March
Todays schedule is to
- Complete the online survey 'The Touch Test'
- Go to Library Lates: International Women's Day
I’ve been feeling under the weather and at the same time lots of events have been cancelled so everything is a bit paired back. Perhaps to he detriment of thinking about Luton more time in bed has meant I have developed a new obsession for the TV show This Country and a surprising crush on the character Kurtan.
Because I felt ill I missed going to Biggleswade on Sunday for a charity auction and the British Schools Museum in Hitchen. I think it would have been interesting to get some perspective on the surrounding areas of Luton – which so far I only really know from going to Luton airport and some of the scenes taken in a field in Blinded by the Light – but maybe that wasn’t shot in Luton - not sure.
The meeting with the church was cancelled so the first thing I did was the Touch Test. This is a really interesting online survey developed as part of a project Revoluton is doing with artist Sudha Bhuchar who is exploring touch with communities around Bury Park. This is in collaboration with The Wellcome Collection and in partnership with Radio 4 and Goldsmiths University.
The survey takes around 40 minutes. It asks some very personal and the further I went on interesting questions – like how I would feel if a medical exam with touch was done by virtual reality? In it you are asked questions about touch in relationship to a partner or friends, as well as strangers in public space, as well as your boss. There are a lot of questions related to wellbeing and touch.
Touch is a big and complex subject. I recognise how experiences of touch are incredibly varied and many people disproportionately face a range of negative experiences of touch in public or private dependent on a range of things that intersect with gender, where you live, sexuality, class, race, personal history, and experiences.
The survey made me personally reflect back on a residency I did a year or so ago in Gujarat in India where I thought a lot about touch in relation to health. Having not made work about this before, my work became centred on this because of two personal experiences I had. (Queue massive personal digression!)
One week after arriving in India I became ill with a resurgence of a reaction I had to tick bites in France a few years previous (I was bitten about 40 times). This like the couple of months after I was bitten left me resting a lot in bed with aches throughout my body. I was able to function and complete the minimum of tasks and teaching work, but all my spare time was taken up with rest. At the time, I didn’t have a diagnosis. I thought it was lymes disease but wasn’t sure. I would spend lots of time reading articles on the internet – I must have read the same basic articles over and over again! Trying to find out how I could treat my symptoms or what they even were, what I had. I used the internet to find out what herbal treatments I could use, desperately trying to find something that could help, as I knew lymes disease is not common in India. During this time, I discovered online forums for healthcare. They are massive! So popular with billions of users around the world. I realised how well used they are for people who like myself who don’t have a diagnosis, or that maybe they have something rare which they can find solidarity with those who have a similar illness, or maybe they just need support from a community. It’s sometimes hard to read these forums, - there is a lot of personal stories, and sometimes I don’t know whether it made me feel more worried and more consumed with illness? For many people though it is an important community and lifeline. For me I would often browse, reading other peoples stories, but wouldn’t post anything.
A month later I was starting to feel better, but an unfortunate twist of fate happened. I was in a bus crash whilst on a trip with students. Late at night the bus swerved to miss a dog and rolled onto its side. Luckily it rolled once, and fortunately on a bend on the mountains without a steep drop. It was chaos, but I went into a strange experience of reacting to this by being incredibly alert and at the same time calm. The ambulance despite the rural location of the crash didn’t take long to arrive and I went in with several others as I had a cut on my elbow - fortunately the worst injuries were broken bones. Outside I had managed to stay calm with the cool air, but inside the small van with lots of people I started to feel panicked. Around this time a friend who taught at the university reached to me from the front of the car. He held my hand. Sometimes you only realise what you need when you receive it. It was like lifeblood. The support of someone, the human touch, the mix of kindness, assurance, and warmth. That was the most important thing anyone could have given me in that moment. I recognised that for me, the human touch was vital - I needed it – and whilst I knew this before, I had never known it so fundamentally.
After this I started to make work about these two experiences of touch. What I witnessed as a forum user online, where the community of people used the written word to reach out to each other, and from the accident, who had experienced the felt touch of someone literally reaching out to me.
It brought up different questions - is it possible to touch someone with written words? Does community give the same assurances in person and online?
As technology may allow us to touch virtually, to make our bodies feel, will anything be lost? What may be gained and who might gain it?
And more currently how will confinement and social distancing because of the spread of coronavirus effect peoples sense of wellbeing in relation to touch. In this time online forums, skype, and whats app, become fundamental parts of our communication with each other and a sense of being in public.
In the evening I went to Library Lates – International Women's Day at the Hat Factory for a talk by a panel of incredibly talented female artists based in Luton. Here they presented their practices and experiences. It was really great to hear the crossovers and support between everyone. And to hear Revoluton mentioned a lot - who have clearly given a lot of artists support. I wrote the above sentence in my book when I was at the event. It made me think about the importance of creating space and platforms for peoples voices and creativity.
I also realised in the event how many theatre makers there are in Luton. Performance and events are really big here, and this has become more noticeable as I do the residency.
