Day 18

Tuesday 17th 

Yesterday was the last 'in person' thing I did in Luton. In the afternoon I decide its the last day I can do as it feels too risky now. Alongside Quite Down There and Revoluton we agree to stop the residency, and I return home to London that night. We speak about what can be carried out online or via the phone and I am grateful that on Tuesday I am still able to participate in two of the planned events.

Firstly I'm on Inspire FM with Imrana - a brilliant community activist who amongst other things works with Revoluton, runs a book club, as well as has her own weekly radio show 'The Book Club Show'.

It was great to talk a little about the residency, and I really appreciated all of Imrana's questions. It made me think more about blog writing, and as I was speaking I realised how beneficial it has been for me to write and bring together my experience of being in Luton in this way. It has been an interesting, and in many ways joyful! month. 

I personally find it excruciating to listen back to myself talking - but you can listen in here...
https://www.facebook.com/inspirefmluton/videos/207575447258350/

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In the evening I had the pleasure to join The Book Club online as we discussed the Touch Test with artist Sudha Bhuchar. It was such a fun and interesting experience, and I finished feeling excited by the possibilities that the next few weeks in isolation could bring. Using the internet like this feels like one of the best and most important ways to use this resource.

We were discussing The Touch Test, and I was really amazed to be part of a space that was held so well by Sudha, one that felt safe and allowed for intimacy. So often I have only experienced this in person - particularly being part of a group of people I don't know well.

Thanks to Imrana for this screen shot of our chat!

AND THANK YOU THANK YOU LUTON 

Day 17 - Part 2

In the afternoon of Monday 16th I go to Luton Central Mosque in Bury Park.

I have always loved hearing the call to prayer. I arrive outside the mosque just before it starts and wait for Sultan who will guide me round the mosque. I enjoy waiting here. Listening to the call to prayer. Thinking about how good it feels just to stand somewhere in public space not doing anything. Just waiting. Relaxing in public spaces feels so rare for me - I'm constantly on the way to somewhere. Yet I think to the groups of people or people on their own sitting on benches in the Mall, or in St Georges Square - socialising, or just sitting.  Creating spaces of stillness within shopping complexes. And I think about the fear that populates peoples imaginations of people (particularly teenagers) who are just being in public spaces - what are they doing? why aren't they doing anything? They must be up to something.

Sultan works for the local council, and used to live in one of the houses where the mosque now stands. I find out this story while we are walking round. I love imagining the houses before the mosque was here and I imagine all the buildings that came before this one. All the domestic lives that took place here, and all the walls and rooms. I wonder if Sultan thinks about his childhood home when he comes here?

Its a beautiful building and Sultan is an excellent guide. We enter the hall where men are praying. We talk about the prayers, and Sultan translates the prayers to english for me so I can understand. We stand at the back, people say hello or nod to Sultan when passing. Lots of people know Sultan here. 

I am really struck by the carpet, which Sultan says can act as a kind of guide for people standing side by side. When people stand next to each other their shoulders should be touching.

Salat, the ritual Islamic prayer, happens five times daily, I wonder how many people come to this mosque for each of these daily prayers? a continuous reminder of faith, community, and connection.

We explore all round the building - going in and out of rooms with Sultan explaining about the building and his faith. Its really interesting to come here and learn and again I'm struck by what I do and where I go on a daily basis is usually limited to the things I know. Going the places I normally would not go to is liberating.

We go to the rooftop. Sultan presses the bar down on the door to go outside and the alarm goes off! Again Sultan is very relaxed! 

It feels such an honour to go on the roof and see a view of Luton from here.

I really love the encouragement Sultan brings, his enthusiasm, and his desire to share information with me. He constantly assures me that I can ask him anything as well as taking pictures. Here are two we took of each other.

Day 17 ish - part 1

Day 17 ish - Monday 16th 

I've started writing the day number followed by ish, as I am regularly writing days later. Everything has become a bit distorted as I have been re co-ordinating jobs and life in the face of COVID-19.

Sunday's St Patricks Day Parade was cancelled, so I had 2 days at home in London. I returned to Luton on Monday, and was happy that my first meeting was with 3 women who work at St Marys Church. It could not have been a better time to meet them, as we were talking about Joy Skills - a course set up by the vicar to give people more skills to experience joy. 

The course was built out of the vicars own experiences after a serious bike crash in which he sustained significant injuries and post traumatic stress. To support his recovery in addition to therapy he explored a variety of methods to help him, bringing ideas and practice from neuroscience, spirituality, and psychology together.

Joy skills is an 8 to 10 week course done in a group setting. It's for anyone to go to - although faith is central to the group, and it includes a mix of practical tips and exercises to help empower people with skills for joy.

I like that its done in a group as I have often felt that the self help industry fuels individualism - a focus on the 'I' being well, often at great financial cost. Yet Joy Skills is focused on supporting the community. Its low cost to join (around £15 for 8 weeks), and there is an emphasis on how the practice benefits others around. Participants of the course can go on to become co-facilitators and all three women spoke about how doing the course together has been beneficial for their daily working life together.

These are some of the things I wrote in my notes about what joy skills are

- not letting stress out on other people
- creating a positive environment
- focusing on breathing when stressed
- remembering to prioritise joy, recognise it, and think to look for it
- noticing how you feel
- appreciating things - an 'attitude of gratitude' 
- remembering that touch is important. Try hugging yourself - there are physical exercises like this that can help take the 'sting' out of things

We speak about what the word joy means and how it is distinguishable from happiness. It's interesting to think more about deeply about the word. I agree with what they say - joy feels deeper than happiness, it is more about love, and despite me not following any one religion it resonates with me that it goes hand in hand with faith.

I later look at the dictionary definition - at lexico.com (a collaboration between Dictionary.com and Oxford University Press). Here they define joy as

1A feeling of great pleasure and happiness.

I look for a information specifically about the etymology of the word

https://www.etymonline.com/word/joy

c. 1200, "feeling of pleasure and delight;" c. 1300, "source of pleasure or happiness," from Old French joie "pleasure, delight, erotic pleasure, bliss, joyfulness" (11c.), from Latin gaudia "expressions of pleasure; sensual delight," plural of gaudium "joy, inward joy, gladness, delight; source of pleasure or delight," from gaudere "rejoice," from PIE root *gau- "to rejoice" (cognates: Greek gaio "I rejoice," Middle Irish guaire "noble").

It is interesting here the inclusion of erotic pleasure and sensual delight.

- - - - -

I am curious to know more about the etymology of happiness

According to https://www.dictionary.com/e/happiness/

The term happiness comes from the Old Norse term happ meaning “luck” or “chance.” It’s also related to the Old English word hæpic meaning “equal.” While early senses of happiness dating from the 1500s are still very much in use, such as “good luck,” “success,” and “contentment,” 

Happiness is rooted in luck or chance, whereas joy is developed by a persons active sensual engagement with the world? ... or something like that

Joy skills feels particularly important as I amongst others have been experiencing symptoms similar to shock in this current situation - grappling with the enormity, sudden change, and precarity. To dig deep into the sensory world, to be still and grasp the moment in a time of enormous change feels more important than ever.

Day 16 ish

(written on Sunday 15th about Friday 13th)

A lot has changed since I last wrote. As the UK, much of Europe and countries across the world face the prospect of the closure of many IRL public spaces, in which touching people, and movement will be heavily restricted, the world feels very different now than it did a week ago.

I was off on Wednesday and Thursday, feeling a little under the weather (thankfully not COVID-19) but I was back on Friday to volunteer again at the Irish Centre.

With there being a palpable shift in public consciousness towards the possibility we might be facing lockdown similar to Italy a lot of the conversations at the Irish Centre were about COVID-19. It was a smaller group this week - with many families choosing to stay at home. Facing the loss of many public spaces, brings into sharp focus what holds society together and today I was really struck by how precious and important inter generational social groups are. I think they are precious as they are so rare, and there is something really beautiful about systems of care in which everyone receives. Most of the volunteers at the babies and toddlers group are grandmothers, and they host the space for parents and carers as well toddlers and babies. I love the jokes, the care, and the impressive organisation that goes into every week - preparing activities for the kids to do.




Despite the temporary loss of meeting spaces there are incredible initiatives being started to provide networks of care. Mutual aid is going to take many forms and I am starting to see groups set up in local areas to help each other. You can see a list of links to these groups here
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/18P898HWbdR5ouW61sAxW_iBl3yiZlgJu0nSmepn6NwM/htmlview?sle=true#gid=1451634215

We know this is going to affect people who are most vulnerable in society - the precarious, month to month, zero hours, the elderly, the homeless, anyone dependent on social services, carers, people living alone, those without access to clean water and sanitary living conditions and more generally anyone working in industries that relies of people - gigs, art galleries, cafes. As Jürgen Kloop, the manager of Liverpool football club said about the decision to stop football matches - 'football is the most important of all the least important things', but there is much more to it than the loss of entertainment - there is the loss of income for low paid workers who support it - the groundsmen, bar staff etc.

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In the evening, I went to volunteer at the Discover Islam Centre, close to the centre of town. It's a fantastic place that does a lot of outreach work with schools, has a coat project - where people can get a coat for free, and does a weekly food project giving a free hot (delicious and nutritious!) meal to those in need. 

I was only here for an hour, but I really enjoyed being involved in the project and meeting Sohail (here in the picture) who works at the Centre. It made me question why I wasn't more involved in voluntary organisations - previously I thought this is because I don't have much money or spare time, but I realised here how much is possible in just one hour or whatever time you can give. 

Day 15 ish

Tuesday 10th March

Today my schedule is to 

-       Meet Fahim Qureshi - Head of Arts & Cultural Programmes at Luton Culture Trust

-       Check in with Lucy from Revoluton

-       Join Imrara at Dar Aminah Book Club

Fahim has been involved in and started some incredible art projects. In one hour of meeting him over a coffee in the Hat Factory I manage to get a brief history of his professional life and I find out more about Luton’s working class history and its connection to art and culture. Fahim is from Luton, but left to go to art school in Leeds where he was heavily involved in activism and the anti racist movement. We talk about Hackney as he used to work there for the Council and it’s where I’ve lived since 2007. I say that I feel that Hackney is very divided by wealth, class, and race and the only social event I’ve been to that feels genuinely mixed and so so joyful is Hackney Carnival. I find out that Fahim was one of the people who started it.

We talk about the history of trade unions in Luton. A working class town of intellectuals with a strong union history. He tells me that many of the factories had their own social club with cultural events, as well as places for education. The Griffin Players drama group who are still going strong started as part of the Concert Party and Dramatic Section of the Vauxhall Motors Recreation Club. Culture, education, and politics, so embedded within the very fabric of work places.  It feels sadly too much like a distant dream.

I ask Fahim where I can find out more about this history and he tells me about the Luton I Remember Facebook group. I search trade union and there are a few posts and images that come up. This one is very telling.

Fahim also tells me about the Affluent Worker Study (1961-62) done in Luton which is a study that questioned whether a rise in wealth effected peoples identity as working class. The study finds that despite an increase in wealth many of those interviewed still identified as being working class. The study shows how in Luton class identity is not contingent on wealth, and how strong class identity was felt. https://esrc.ukri.org/about-us/50-years-of-esrc/50-achievements/affluent-workers-and-class-identity/

  

He has long been involved in the cultural life of Luton. When he was younger he was involved in running the Marsh Farm film club when he grew up in Luton – there should be a super 8 film made about marsh farm somewhere!

I find out a little more about other cultural projects and centres - in particular the 33 Arts Centre in Luton ran by Paul Jolly – which was integral to the growth of the arts scene in the town. We talk about just doing stuff – perhaps there is a culture of waiting for money or funding before starting and art project? I reflect on the current climate we are in. We have been living in austerity for a while. No longer can artists rely on state support like the dole to help support living costs. There are no squats to provide space and housing for artists.

From around 2007 to 2011 I lived in a pub in Hackney with around 11 other people. We turned the bar into a sort of social centre with weekly music nights and cultural events. No one ever got paid, but lots of successful artists played or were associated with it – Nick Mulvey, Puma Rosa, Kate Tempest. The building was sold to a housing developer in 2011 and there was nowhere in London we could find to keep living together and keep putting on events. We scoured London for potential buildings to squat – but this was 2011. Things had changed. Now most friends don’t live in London – unable to afford the rents. What was possible 20 years ago feels very different now.

We talk about the cultural activities happening at the Hat Factory now and its focus on running arts workshops. I like this bottom up approach to arts. For me I have become more curious about a whole different range of arts through doing art myself. It’s a different way into art, that’s more built on own experience and learning. We talk a little about the barriers facing people going into buildings which may not seem like they are for them, and the importance of going to people, not expecting them to come to you. 

Perhaps we'll meet up next week – I’m really interested in speaking more. What's become really apparent over the time I’ve spent in Luton is how much politics and art overlap for people. I think its more apparent than in other towns and places I’ve been to, and I wonder how much it has to do with the rich and interlinked history of trade unions, education, and cultural institutions in the area.

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The evening book club was cancelled – hopefully back next week!

Day 14 - ish

Monday 9th March

Todays schedule is to

 -       Meet Ulrika, Marsha and Jane to talk about a course the church runs on Tuesdays called ‘Joy’ skills.

-       Complete the online survey 'The Touch Test'

-       Go to Library Lates: International Women's Day

I’ve been feeling under the weather and at the same time lots of events have been cancelled so everything is a bit paired back. Perhaps to he detriment of thinking about Luton more time in bed has meant I have developed a new obsession for the TV show This Country and a surprising crush on the character Kurtan.

Because I felt ill I missed going to Biggleswade on Sunday for a charity auction and the British Schools Museum in Hitchen. I think it would have been interesting to get some perspective on the surrounding areas of Luton – which so far I only really know from going to Luton airport and some of the scenes taken in a field in Blinded by the Light – but maybe that wasn’t shot in Luton - not sure.

The meeting with the church was cancelled so the first thing I did was the Touch Test. This is a really interesting online survey developed as part of a project Revoluton is doing with artist Sudha Bhuchar who is exploring touch with communities around Bury Park. This is in collaboration with The Wellcome Collection and in partnership with Radio 4 and Goldsmiths University.

https://goldpsych.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_5jvoipiuzvf8dlb

The survey takes around 40 minutes. It asks some very personal and the further I went on interesting questions – like how I would feel if a medical exam with touch was done by virtual reality? In it you are asked questions about touch in relationship to a partner or friends, as well as strangers in public space, as well as your boss. There are a lot of questions related to wellbeing and touch.

Touch is a big and complex subject. I recognise how experiences of touch are incredibly varied and many people disproportionately face a range of negative experiences of touch in public or private dependent on a range of things that intersect with gender, where you live, sexuality, class, race, personal history, and experiences. 

The survey made me personally reflect back on a residency I did a year or so ago in Gujarat in India where I thought a lot about touch in relation to health. Having not made work about this before, my work became centred on this because of two personal experiences I had. (Queue massive personal digression!)

One week after arriving in India I became ill with a resurgence of a reaction I had to tick bites in France a few years previous (I was bitten about 40 times). This like the couple of months after I was bitten left me resting a lot in bed with aches throughout my body. I was able to function and complete the minimum of tasks and teaching work, but all my spare time was taken up with rest. At the time, I didn’t have a diagnosis. I thought it was lymes disease but wasn’t sure. I would spend lots of time reading articles on the internet – I must have read the same basic articles over and over again! Trying to find out how I could treat my symptoms or what they even were, what I had. I used the internet to find out what herbal treatments I could use, desperately trying to find something that could help, as I knew lymes disease is not common in India. During this time, I discovered online forums for healthcare. They are massive! So popular with billions of users around the world. I realised how well used they are for people who like myself who don’t have a diagnosis, or that maybe they have something rare which they can find solidarity with those who have a similar illness, or maybe they just need support from a community. It’s sometimes hard to read these forums, - there is a lot of personal stories, and sometimes I don’t know whether it made me feel more worried and more consumed with illness? For many people though it is an important community and lifeline. For me I would often browse, reading other peoples stories, but wouldn’t post anything.

A month later I was starting to feel better, but an unfortunate twist of fate happened. I was in a bus crash whilst on a trip with students. Late at night the bus swerved to miss a dog and rolled onto its side. Luckily it rolled once, and fortunately on a bend on the mountains without a steep drop. It was chaos, but I went into a strange experience of reacting to this by being incredibly alert and at the same time calm. The ambulance despite the rural location of the crash didn’t take long to arrive and I went in with several others as I had a cut on my elbow - fortunately the worst injuries were broken bones. Outside I had managed to stay calm with the cool air, but inside the small van with lots of people I started to feel panicked. Around this time a friend who taught at the university reached to me from the front of the car. He held my hand. Sometimes you only realise what you need when you receive it. It was like lifeblood. The support of someone, the human touch, the mix of kindness, assurance, and warmth. That was the most important thing anyone could have given me in that moment. I recognised that for me, the human touch was vital - I needed it – and whilst I knew this before, I had never known it so fundamentally.

After this I started to make work about these two experiences of touch. What I witnessed as a forum user online, where the community of people used the written word to reach out to each other, and from the accident, who had experienced the felt touch of someone literally reaching out to me.

It brought up different questions - is it possible to touch someone with written words? Does community give the same assurances in person and online?

As technology may allow us to touch virtually, to make our bodies feel, will anything be lost? What may be gained and who might gain it?

And more currently how will confinement and social distancing because of the spread of coronavirus effect peoples sense of wellbeing in relation to touch. In this time online forums, skype, and whats app, become fundamental parts of our communication with each other and a sense of being in public. 

In the evening I went to Library Lates – International Women's Day at the Hat Factory for a talk by a panel of incredibly talented female artists based in Luton. Here they presented their practices and experiences. It was really great to hear the crossovers and support between everyone. And to hear Revoluton mentioned a lot  - who have clearly given a lot of artists support. I wrote the above sentence in my book when I was at the event. It made me think about the importance of creating space and platforms for peoples voices and creativity.

I also realised in the event how many theatre makers there are in Luton. Performance and events are really big here, and this has become more noticeable as I do the residency. 

Day 12

Today I

- Volunteered at the toddler group at the Irish Forum

- Had a mentor session

- Met with Sebastian who is part of the Polonia Group who organises events connected to Polish culture throughout the year 

- Watched 'Blinded by the Light'

The toddler group! Love the Luton Irish Forum. Its a warm and inviting building near the centre of town that organises and hosts Irish cultural events, workshops, social events, as well as providing welfare support, advocacy, and information. Its open to everyone to use and receive support. Its a really wonderful place where heritage and culture is shared and there is support for some of the worst issues people may be facing under austerity. 

I get a really warm welcome from everyone, and enjoy meeting all the volunteers (mainy who have volunteered for years at the weekly toddler group), parents and carers (mainly women today), and all the kids. The group is a good chance for parents to catch up over tea, as well as for the kids to run around and play. Each week is an activity, and today is gingerbread decoration. I notice that on St Patricks Day the group will be walking down from the Irish Centre for the parade. There seems like a really great sense of solidarity here, and I look forward to coming back next week.

Later on I meet Sebastian from Polonia - Polish Community Group. We meet up in Gospoda - a really good Polish restaurant - where I have delicious fried potato cakes with sour cream. Its brilliant to hear about Sebastian's work and I love hearing how he started this work, which happened after living several years here and noticing a need to share Polish cultural events and support for the Polish community. Its really inspiring to hear how they have been influenced by other cultural events and organisations in Luton including the Luton Mela - an organisation sharing South Asian culture, and The Irish Centre - sharing Irish culture. We talk about the relationship between cultures, and how Polish and Irish culture share a lot in terms of Catholicism, as well as oppression from neighbouring countries, and in having fun. He says each group will often get involved in each others projects.

Sebastian and the Polonia group have organised so many events in Luton - they raise a lot of money every year for charity by putting on gigs and other cultural events, and they organise carnival where he brings entire brass bands from Poland. We speak of Luton as a town of festivals. Its really interesting to hear about the obviously important role they play in Luton. 

Later on I watch Blinded by the Light (beware - spoiler alert!). A film based on journalist and writer Sarfraz Manzoor's experience of growing up in Luton as a teenager in a family who have emigrated from Pakistan. It shows the context of Luton in the 80s, particularly how racism was rife, and unemployment and job losses (his father looses his job at Vauxhall Motors) under Thatcher. In part the film focuses on Javed's (the character based on Manzoor's experiences) love of writing, and love of Bruce Springsteen's music. The film uses Springsteen's music to underline thoughts and feelings that might be shared across culture, time, and place. It is part musical, bringing in joy and hope, and there are some really sweet and funny scenes. 

I like how the music is both personal and shared in the film - there are quite a few scenes of Javed with his walkman and headphones getting into the music, but there are lots of scenes where the music is celebrated together - Roops (played by Aaron Phagura) first tells Javed about Springsteen, there are scenes of them running through Luton singing and dancing together with friends and strangers, and Javed often quotes Springsteen's lyrics to his friends and girlfriend. 

You see shots of the green fields outside the town and the motorway and you get this sense of the borderlands and that beyond Luton. The film ends with Javed leaving Luton to go to University in Manchester, and is full of hope, reconciliation, and joy, but I wonder how this plays on the idea that success is leaving Luton? I also wonder why there wasn't more made about him leaving his girlfriend (Javed seems to forget about her quite quickly at the end). Yet I found the film enjoyable to watch and with hope, and gave me insight into the history of Luton in the 80s. I just had a look at the trailer on youtube and read the comments afterwards - its really heartwarming to see how much people love it.

Luton Irish Forum - http://lutonirishforum.org/
Polonia Polish Community Group - https://www.facebook.com/PoloniaPCG/
Blinded by the Light trailer - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1YFA_J5JBU&vl=en

Day 11

Today my schedule is to

- Visit Artist in Residence Abi Spendlove's Open Studio at the Hat Factory

- Go to share a book day at the Mall

- Go to the opening of Tim Etchells exhibition Hearing Voices at Departure Lounge Gallery

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ON THURSDAY 6th MARCH

THERE WAS

A Body twitch towards my phone 

A thousand google searches

what shall I do with tasteless satsumas?

whats the weather today?

AM I A CYBORG?

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Today I set myself a challenge to not use the internet. Last week I documented my internet use and this week I wanted to see how I feel and what I would do if I didn't use the internet? Would I be reading more books? Would I be feeling more relaxed? Would I be more present in Luton?

Every morning I read the newspaper on my phone with a cup of tea. Within the first hour of waking I already have about 10 questions I think the internet might help me with. This morning I read my book, and feel quite happy (maybe a bit smug?) with myself for reading my book.

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I spend a lovely morning chatting to Abi. She is artist in residence for a year at the Hat Factory where she is researching and creating art related to the River Lea which runs beneath part of Luton, including underneath the central shopping centre. Her research will culminate in a public exhibition and film screening of her work. We talked about lots of things. Podcasts, gentrification, artists networks, Lutons reputation... below is some of my notes.

One of the questions I was asked before I came on residency was what did I know about Luton? Well I knew it was multicultural, about the airport, and I also knew that Tommy Robinson is from here. I had a very limited view, which was mainly informed by national media.

One of the pleasures of being here has been that I have the opportunity to go to places, and meet people that won't necessarily get a mention in national newspapers. Me and Abi talk about Luton's reputation. She tells me in 2004 it was voted the UK's crappest town. We speak about how labels such as this can become internalised, becoming defining and destructive narratives that people might take on about a place. Again, I think, about the power of narratives, words, and stories to transform how and what we think about a place - and who is telling those stories.

We talk about networks for artists, and I find it really interesting to hear about some of the groups that Abi is involved in. She goes to a reading group about art, crit group (in Hitchin or St Albans?) and is part of a whats app group that meets up for saunas in a friends homemade sauna in her garden. I'm excited to hear about these self started groups. I've been involved in lots of groups and collectives - they help support my practice as an artist, as well as being half my social life!

We also speak about gentrification, and what effect it might have on Luton. Abi points me to this article by Stephen Whiting

http://www.testbeds.beds.ac.uk/blog/2017/where-theres-smoke 

I've lived in London since 2005 and seen the accelerated gentrification of the city, the impossible rents, the heightened divides, and destruction of communities. London is a different context, but the article by Stephan points to issues that Luton may or is facing, and efforts made to 'clean things up' which feels similar to some of the issues in London. He asks who is being cleared in this process? and who does the town or city become for? Its an ongoing and very familiar question for artists and arts organisations. What role does the arts play in this process? and how can art not be co-opted into strategies which displace people? 

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Next I go to the library, and spend some time in the mall. I feel quite tired, and whats noticeable is that without the internet I spend time just sitting, thinking, looking around, and resting. Its strange to be resting in public space. Not tapping on my phone or computer. Just sitting, looking around. Its remarkable that it feels remarkable to do this.

I go to the book event, and find a sweet set up in the corner of the Mall, where adults from the book day event are reading to children. The Mall is quite a popular space not just for shopping and I often see people sitting in the chairs and benches. It's interesting to see how the Mall provides these cultural and social activities as well as shops and I wonder if people then spend more or less time in shops because of them.

In the evening I go to artist Tim Etchells opening at the Departure Lounge with Jenny from Revoluton. It is a fun evening and I enjoy speaking to lots of people there - particularly someone who came in by chance, who I speak with about life planning - how to plan for the future. I find it really interesting hearing about how she plans for her life and realise how one person organises their life and tries to make their hopes and dreams happen is a very intimate thing - I realise I never really speak or ask people about this. I also get the opportunity to ask Tim a bit about the process of making the artwork in Luton. I really enjoy the hand drawn text, and humour in the work, the snippets of conversation and things people have said. We speak a little bit about avoiding creating overriding singular narratives - art can be good at this, depicting in between things, slippages, things that point in many directions and not just one. 

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P.S Im writing about Thursday on Sunday, so I'm mostly writing from remembered conversations and notes I made on the day.

Day 10

On Day 10 of the residency my schedule was to

- Check in with Furhaad at Revoluton
- Go to Niralla cafe in Bury Park, meet owner Shazia Mehmood, and try the food
- Go and see The Strange Case of Jekyll & Hyde in the Theatre at the top floor of Luton Central Library

Day 10 was Wednesday and I'm just catching up now... on Sunday. I make notes when I'm out and about, but it's all a little distant now. So I'm backtracking and holding onto things that have stuck in my mind. I'm hoping it will come together. Today there is no portrait of what outfit I wore for the day ahead.

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It was a pleasure to go to Niralla cafe and meet owner Shazia. Shazia is a bit of a polymath - she started the cafe whilst working full time in a senior position in a local school, she has created some beautiful pencil drawings on the wall of the cafe, when I first met her she was carrying a 25kg bag of sugar on her shoulder, and her food is some of the best I've tasted.

I sat down with Shazia and chatted over a cup of tea and samosas. I immediately got sidetracked into asking her about her previous work as the Deputy Head of a local school (which she worked her way up to from being a TA). I currently teach art and design to foundation students and have worked a lot in education and workshops are integral to my practice as an artist. I ask Shazia for her top tip. She said when you want someone to do something - perhaps they are getting distracted or not participating, you should say what you want them to do, followed by thank you, rather than saying 'please can you...' For example.

'Harry, sit down, thank you'. 

NOT 

'Please Harry can you sit down'

No please. Adding please gives the illusion of choice. Shazia said for her this really changed and helped her teaching practice.

It made me think about how language is so connected to action and also reflected how default the UK love of the word please is. I thought back to my MA university days, working with the artist Dr Mel Jordan who is interested in language's relationship to action. I always remember her talking with me about how a statement and a question inspire very different responses in relation to taking a position on something. A statement demands a response where people have to take a position in relation to what is said, whereas a question does not demand people to take a position in the same way, as it keeps things open. I think she would say conversations where different positions are exchanged is essential to democracy, and a well functioning public sphere. She told me about J.J. Austin 'How to Do Things with Words' and it really influenced my work at the time. 

I know I was here to talk about the cafe and I'm writing a blog about Luton, but Shazia is a person of stories and conversation that takes interesting and varied turns. In our conversation we talked about food, the cafe, and her background in education, but we also talked about the power of dreams when you are sleeping, and how messages might be communicated across dreams. She knows everyone coming to the cafe. The cafe is inextricable from community, stories, and conversation. 

I leave the cafe with two delicious curries that Shazia gives me and I promise to return. It wasn't enough time to know more about the cafe and what it means to the local community, and I really want to eat paratha and pickles for breakfast. There are questions I want to ask - Who are the regulars? Do you see the same groups of friends or people come in often? What skills crossover working in a school and in the cafe? and importantly how do you make paratha? 

Day 9

Todays schedule is to

- Visit Luton Airport
- Go to an International Women's Day event at the University of Bedfordshire Careers and Employability Service
- Go to yoga at Futures House in Marsh Farm

A smart (smarter than my anorak) coat for a serious day.

To be honest I wasn’t looking forward to my trip to Luton airport. I put it off, didn’t want to go. I’ve got to go, I said to myself. I’ll go for just a short bit. 

But on the way I’ll buy some antibacterial hand gel from the shops.

I head to Boots - sold out. Superdrug? The shelves are empty. I pick up some plasters and go pay at the till. The man behind me in the queue asks about hand gel. They have some behind the counter - I guess they’re rationing stock. I buy some and leave.

I get the train, and I’m thinking about coronavirus. I feel confused. I know there is joy to be found at the airport - mainly at the arrivals. I’ve seen many incredible touching scenes in the past - you don’t know the people but you suddenly get a window into their love. I know this is to be found here, but I’m just not thinking of it today.

I arrive and go to get a coffee in Pret. I think about all the people working at the airport who have to face this day in day out - particularly those working with constant physical proximity to customers. I think of how unfair this is to the people that have to come here day in and out when perhaps they are worried about it too. I have to only be here for an hour, but I’m already struggling with that.

Its not a relaxing scene in Pret.

Two police men with huge guns sit casually on comfy seats with their small glasses of water 

Their guns propped up on their legs. 

Some guy looking at pictures of sailing boats on facebook.

I finish my coffee and consider drawing a picture of the police men. Then get worried - maybe this isn't allowed?

I walk around.

A lot of bored looking people sitting in what feels like a huge waiting room.

A lot of bags 

Small wheely bags.

People wearing masks

Smell of hand gel in the air.

I go to arrivals - and catch one couple.

‘I’ve missed you so much’ and a intimate embrace. That’s nice.

I don’t stay too long and decide to get back on the bus.

I listen too some Orbital on my headphones. A mix of euphoria and intensity, I enjoy this heightened sense of focus on my journey back to the station

Don’t touch the yellow handrail. 

The bus assistant and driver seem friendly. I think about asking them about how they feel about coming to work every day in such a public place of international travel when coronavirus is on the rise worldwide, with many recent cases being travellers who have returned from Italy likely by air travel.

But I realise I don’t know how to say coronavirus - I've never said it out loud before.

I practice saying it a bit in my head.

Start to feel sick on the roundabouts 

Everyone gets off the bus. I linger. The bus driver says ‘are you alright?’ I say ‘I just want to ask a quick question’ Ok… he says. ‘How do you feel working at the airport everyday with coronavirus?’ He’s very relaxed. Brings up TB. We could also catch TB you know. Can We??! He says he’s not worried. Theres loads of stuff you can catch. He tells me about a study done on the touch screens in McDonald's where you order food. Apparently there are all sorts of things you can catch on there, and faeces he says. Ok. I remember to always bring my hand gel with me everywhere.

He’s not worried. Ok cool. Maybe I'm too paranoid. Then I think he’s behind a screen in his bus driver chair. Maybe thats why he’s not worried?

I head back to Luton town feeling like I have done this trip a slight disservice, a cloud of paranoia and fear discoloured the trip. I think about how how this fear is created. Is it justified? Is it hysteria? I have definitely become trapped by it today. Checking the news. Watching the numbers of confirmed cases rise over the past week. I think this distorts experience in public spaces and I think about the potentially damaging effect this has for peoples sense of being in public space with each other. I think about the disturbing levels of anti-asian racism that have increased recently since the coronavirus outbreak, and friends who have been effected by this. I think about what will happen in the coming weeks if there is a pandemic - what will workers on zero hour contacts do? I think about my own job security as a tutor. I could be going without pay for some time. There is a lot to think about on my way home and I'm sure more thoughts will arise over the following weeks in relation to this.

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The rest of the day is a bit of a washout and I mess up by going to the wrong venue for yoga. I'm really sad in particular to miss this one as I like doing yoga and I was looking forward to going to Futures Farm - a community centre in Marsh Farm. Hoping to go another week.