Day 18

Tuesday 17th 

Yesterday was the last 'in person' thing I did in Luton. In the afternoon I decide its the last day I can do as it feels too risky now. Alongside Quite Down There and Revoluton we agree to stop the residency, and I return home to London that night. We speak about what can be carried out online or via the phone and I am grateful that on Tuesday I am still able to participate in two of the planned events.

Firstly I'm on Inspire FM with Imrana - a brilliant community activist who amongst other things works with Revoluton, runs a book club, as well as has her own weekly radio show 'The Book Club Show'.

It was great to talk a little about the residency, and I really appreciated all of Imrana's questions. It made me think more about blog writing, and as I was speaking I realised how beneficial it has been for me to write and bring together my experience of being in Luton in this way. It has been an interesting, and in many ways joyful! month. 

I personally find it excruciating to listen back to myself talking - but you can listen in here...
https://www.facebook.com/inspirefmluton/videos/207575447258350/

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In the evening I had the pleasure to join The Book Club online as we discussed the Touch Test with artist Sudha Bhuchar. It was such a fun and interesting experience, and I finished feeling excited by the possibilities that the next few weeks in isolation could bring. Using the internet like this feels like one of the best and most important ways to use this resource.

We were discussing The Touch Test, and I was really amazed to be part of a space that was held so well by Sudha, one that felt safe and allowed for intimacy. So often I have only experienced this in person - particularly being part of a group of people I don't know well.

Thanks to Imrana for this screen shot of our chat!

AND THANK YOU THANK YOU LUTON 

Day 17 - Part 2

In the afternoon of Monday 16th I go to Luton Central Mosque in Bury Park.

I have always loved hearing the call to prayer. I arrive outside the mosque just before it starts and wait for Sultan who will guide me round the mosque. I enjoy waiting here. Listening to the call to prayer. Thinking about how good it feels just to stand somewhere in public space not doing anything. Just waiting. Relaxing in public spaces feels so rare for me - I'm constantly on the way to somewhere. Yet I think to the groups of people or people on their own sitting on benches in the Mall, or in St Georges Square - socialising, or just sitting.  Creating spaces of stillness within shopping complexes. And I think about the fear that populates peoples imaginations of people (particularly teenagers) who are just being in public spaces - what are they doing? why aren't they doing anything? They must be up to something.

Sultan works for the local council, and used to live in one of the houses where the mosque now stands. I find out this story while we are walking round. I love imagining the houses before the mosque was here and I imagine all the buildings that came before this one. All the domestic lives that took place here, and all the walls and rooms. I wonder if Sultan thinks about his childhood home when he comes here?

Its a beautiful building and Sultan is an excellent guide. We enter the hall where men are praying. We talk about the prayers, and Sultan translates the prayers to english for me so I can understand. We stand at the back, people say hello or nod to Sultan when passing. Lots of people know Sultan here. 

I am really struck by the carpet, which Sultan says can act as a kind of guide for people standing side by side. When people stand next to each other their shoulders should be touching.

Salat, the ritual Islamic prayer, happens five times daily, I wonder how many people come to this mosque for each of these daily prayers? a continuous reminder of faith, community, and connection.

We explore all round the building - going in and out of rooms with Sultan explaining about the building and his faith. Its really interesting to come here and learn and again I'm struck by what I do and where I go on a daily basis is usually limited to the things I know. Going the places I normally would not go to is liberating.

We go to the rooftop. Sultan presses the bar down on the door to go outside and the alarm goes off! Again Sultan is very relaxed! 

It feels such an honour to go on the roof and see a view of Luton from here.

I really love the encouragement Sultan brings, his enthusiasm, and his desire to share information with me. He constantly assures me that I can ask him anything as well as taking pictures. Here are two we took of each other.

Day 17 ish - part 1

Day 17 ish - Monday 16th 

I've started writing the day number followed by ish, as I am regularly writing days later. Everything has become a bit distorted as I have been re co-ordinating jobs and life in the face of COVID-19.

Sunday's St Patricks Day Parade was cancelled, so I had 2 days at home in London. I returned to Luton on Monday, and was happy that my first meeting was with 3 women who work at St Marys Church. It could not have been a better time to meet them, as we were talking about Joy Skills - a course set up by the vicar to give people more skills to experience joy. 

The course was built out of the vicars own experiences after a serious bike crash in which he sustained significant injuries and post traumatic stress. To support his recovery in addition to therapy he explored a variety of methods to help him, bringing ideas and practice from neuroscience, spirituality, and psychology together.

Joy skills is an 8 to 10 week course done in a group setting. It's for anyone to go to - although faith is central to the group, and it includes a mix of practical tips and exercises to help empower people with skills for joy.

I like that its done in a group as I have often felt that the self help industry fuels individualism - a focus on the 'I' being well, often at great financial cost. Yet Joy Skills is focused on supporting the community. Its low cost to join (around £15 for 8 weeks), and there is an emphasis on how the practice benefits others around. Participants of the course can go on to become co-facilitators and all three women spoke about how doing the course together has been beneficial for their daily working life together.

These are some of the things I wrote in my notes about what joy skills are

- not letting stress out on other people
- creating a positive environment
- focusing on breathing when stressed
- remembering to prioritise joy, recognise it, and think to look for it
- noticing how you feel
- appreciating things - an 'attitude of gratitude' 
- remembering that touch is important. Try hugging yourself - there are physical exercises like this that can help take the 'sting' out of things

We speak about what the word joy means and how it is distinguishable from happiness. It's interesting to think more about deeply about the word. I agree with what they say - joy feels deeper than happiness, it is more about love, and despite me not following any one religion it resonates with me that it goes hand in hand with faith.

I later look at the dictionary definition - at lexico.com (a collaboration between Dictionary.com and Oxford University Press). Here they define joy as

1A feeling of great pleasure and happiness.

I look for a information specifically about the etymology of the word

https://www.etymonline.com/word/joy

c. 1200, "feeling of pleasure and delight;" c. 1300, "source of pleasure or happiness," from Old French joie "pleasure, delight, erotic pleasure, bliss, joyfulness" (11c.), from Latin gaudia "expressions of pleasure; sensual delight," plural of gaudium "joy, inward joy, gladness, delight; source of pleasure or delight," from gaudere "rejoice," from PIE root *gau- "to rejoice" (cognates: Greek gaio "I rejoice," Middle Irish guaire "noble").

It is interesting here the inclusion of erotic pleasure and sensual delight.

- - - - -

I am curious to know more about the etymology of happiness

According to https://www.dictionary.com/e/happiness/

The term happiness comes from the Old Norse term happ meaning “luck” or “chance.” It’s also related to the Old English word hæpic meaning “equal.” While early senses of happiness dating from the 1500s are still very much in use, such as “good luck,” “success,” and “contentment,” 

Happiness is rooted in luck or chance, whereas joy is developed by a persons active sensual engagement with the world? ... or something like that

Joy skills feels particularly important as I amongst others have been experiencing symptoms similar to shock in this current situation - grappling with the enormity, sudden change, and precarity. To dig deep into the sensory world, to be still and grasp the moment in a time of enormous change feels more important than ever.

Day 16 ish

(written on Sunday 15th about Friday 13th)

A lot has changed since I last wrote. As the UK, much of Europe and countries across the world face the prospect of the closure of many IRL public spaces, in which touching people, and movement will be heavily restricted, the world feels very different now than it did a week ago.

I was off on Wednesday and Thursday, feeling a little under the weather (thankfully not COVID-19) but I was back on Friday to volunteer again at the Irish Centre.

With there being a palpable shift in public consciousness towards the possibility we might be facing lockdown similar to Italy a lot of the conversations at the Irish Centre were about COVID-19. It was a smaller group this week - with many families choosing to stay at home. Facing the loss of many public spaces, brings into sharp focus what holds society together and today I was really struck by how precious and important inter generational social groups are. I think they are precious as they are so rare, and there is something really beautiful about systems of care in which everyone receives. Most of the volunteers at the babies and toddlers group are grandmothers, and they host the space for parents and carers as well toddlers and babies. I love the jokes, the care, and the impressive organisation that goes into every week - preparing activities for the kids to do.




Despite the temporary loss of meeting spaces there are incredible initiatives being started to provide networks of care. Mutual aid is going to take many forms and I am starting to see groups set up in local areas to help each other. You can see a list of links to these groups here
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/18P898HWbdR5ouW61sAxW_iBl3yiZlgJu0nSmepn6NwM/htmlview?sle=true#gid=1451634215

We know this is going to affect people who are most vulnerable in society - the precarious, month to month, zero hours, the elderly, the homeless, anyone dependent on social services, carers, people living alone, those without access to clean water and sanitary living conditions and more generally anyone working in industries that relies of people - gigs, art galleries, cafes. As Jürgen Kloop, the manager of Liverpool football club said about the decision to stop football matches - 'football is the most important of all the least important things', but there is much more to it than the loss of entertainment - there is the loss of income for low paid workers who support it - the groundsmen, bar staff etc.

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In the evening, I went to volunteer at the Discover Islam Centre, close to the centre of town. It's a fantastic place that does a lot of outreach work with schools, has a coat project - where people can get a coat for free, and does a weekly food project giving a free hot (delicious and nutritious!) meal to those in need. 

I was only here for an hour, but I really enjoyed being involved in the project and meeting Sohail (here in the picture) who works at the Centre. It made me question why I wasn't more involved in voluntary organisations - previously I thought this is because I don't have much money or spare time, but I realised here how much is possible in just one hour or whatever time you can give. 

Day 15 ish

Tuesday 10th March

Today my schedule is to 

-       Meet Fahim Qureshi - Head of Arts & Cultural Programmes at Luton Culture Trust

-       Check in with Lucy from Revoluton

-       Join Imrara at Dar Aminah Book Club

Fahim has been involved in and started some incredible art projects. In one hour of meeting him over a coffee in the Hat Factory I manage to get a brief history of his professional life and I find out more about Luton’s working class history and its connection to art and culture. Fahim is from Luton, but left to go to art school in Leeds where he was heavily involved in activism and the anti racist movement. We talk about Hackney as he used to work there for the Council and it’s where I’ve lived since 2007. I say that I feel that Hackney is very divided by wealth, class, and race and the only social event I’ve been to that feels genuinely mixed and so so joyful is Hackney Carnival. I find out that Fahim was one of the people who started it.

We talk about the history of trade unions in Luton. A working class town of intellectuals with a strong union history. He tells me that many of the factories had their own social club with cultural events, as well as places for education. The Griffin Players drama group who are still going strong started as part of the Concert Party and Dramatic Section of the Vauxhall Motors Recreation Club. Culture, education, and politics, so embedded within the very fabric of work places.  It feels sadly too much like a distant dream.

I ask Fahim where I can find out more about this history and he tells me about the Luton I Remember Facebook group. I search trade union and there are a few posts and images that come up. This one is very telling.

Fahim also tells me about the Affluent Worker Study (1961-62) done in Luton which is a study that questioned whether a rise in wealth effected peoples identity as working class. The study finds that despite an increase in wealth many of those interviewed still identified as being working class. The study shows how in Luton class identity is not contingent on wealth, and how strong class identity was felt. https://esrc.ukri.org/about-us/50-years-of-esrc/50-achievements/affluent-workers-and-class-identity/

  

He has long been involved in the cultural life of Luton. When he was younger he was involved in running the Marsh Farm film club when he grew up in Luton – there should be a super 8 film made about marsh farm somewhere!

I find out a little more about other cultural projects and centres - in particular the 33 Arts Centre in Luton ran by Paul Jolly – which was integral to the growth of the arts scene in the town. We talk about just doing stuff – perhaps there is a culture of waiting for money or funding before starting and art project? I reflect on the current climate we are in. We have been living in austerity for a while. No longer can artists rely on state support like the dole to help support living costs. There are no squats to provide space and housing for artists.

From around 2007 to 2011 I lived in a pub in Hackney with around 11 other people. We turned the bar into a sort of social centre with weekly music nights and cultural events. No one ever got paid, but lots of successful artists played or were associated with it – Nick Mulvey, Puma Rosa, Kate Tempest. The building was sold to a housing developer in 2011 and there was nowhere in London we could find to keep living together and keep putting on events. We scoured London for potential buildings to squat – but this was 2011. Things had changed. Now most friends don’t live in London – unable to afford the rents. What was possible 20 years ago feels very different now.

We talk about the cultural activities happening at the Hat Factory now and its focus on running arts workshops. I like this bottom up approach to arts. For me I have become more curious about a whole different range of arts through doing art myself. It’s a different way into art, that’s more built on own experience and learning. We talk a little about the barriers facing people going into buildings which may not seem like they are for them, and the importance of going to people, not expecting them to come to you. 

Perhaps we'll meet up next week – I’m really interested in speaking more. What's become really apparent over the time I’ve spent in Luton is how much politics and art overlap for people. I think its more apparent than in other towns and places I’ve been to, and I wonder how much it has to do with the rich and interlinked history of trade unions, education, and cultural institutions in the area.

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The evening book club was cancelled – hopefully back next week!

Day 14 - ish

Monday 9th March

Todays schedule is to

 -       Meet Ulrika, Marsha and Jane to talk about a course the church runs on Tuesdays called ‘Joy’ skills.

-       Complete the online survey 'The Touch Test'

-       Go to Library Lates: International Women's Day

I’ve been feeling under the weather and at the same time lots of events have been cancelled so everything is a bit paired back. Perhaps to he detriment of thinking about Luton more time in bed has meant I have developed a new obsession for the TV show This Country and a surprising crush on the character Kurtan.

Because I felt ill I missed going to Biggleswade on Sunday for a charity auction and the British Schools Museum in Hitchen. I think it would have been interesting to get some perspective on the surrounding areas of Luton – which so far I only really know from going to Luton airport and some of the scenes taken in a field in Blinded by the Light – but maybe that wasn’t shot in Luton - not sure.

The meeting with the church was cancelled so the first thing I did was the Touch Test. This is a really interesting online survey developed as part of a project Revoluton is doing with artist Sudha Bhuchar who is exploring touch with communities around Bury Park. This is in collaboration with The Wellcome Collection and in partnership with Radio 4 and Goldsmiths University.

https://goldpsych.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_5jvoipiuzvf8dlb

The survey takes around 40 minutes. It asks some very personal and the further I went on interesting questions – like how I would feel if a medical exam with touch was done by virtual reality? In it you are asked questions about touch in relationship to a partner or friends, as well as strangers in public space, as well as your boss. There are a lot of questions related to wellbeing and touch.

Touch is a big and complex subject. I recognise how experiences of touch are incredibly varied and many people disproportionately face a range of negative experiences of touch in public or private dependent on a range of things that intersect with gender, where you live, sexuality, class, race, personal history, and experiences. 

The survey made me personally reflect back on a residency I did a year or so ago in Gujarat in India where I thought a lot about touch in relation to health. Having not made work about this before, my work became centred on this because of two personal experiences I had. (Queue massive personal digression!)

One week after arriving in India I became ill with a resurgence of a reaction I had to tick bites in France a few years previous (I was bitten about 40 times). This like the couple of months after I was bitten left me resting a lot in bed with aches throughout my body. I was able to function and complete the minimum of tasks and teaching work, but all my spare time was taken up with rest. At the time, I didn’t have a diagnosis. I thought it was lymes disease but wasn’t sure. I would spend lots of time reading articles on the internet – I must have read the same basic articles over and over again! Trying to find out how I could treat my symptoms or what they even were, what I had. I used the internet to find out what herbal treatments I could use, desperately trying to find something that could help, as I knew lymes disease is not common in India. During this time, I discovered online forums for healthcare. They are massive! So popular with billions of users around the world. I realised how well used they are for people who like myself who don’t have a diagnosis, or that maybe they have something rare which they can find solidarity with those who have a similar illness, or maybe they just need support from a community. It’s sometimes hard to read these forums, - there is a lot of personal stories, and sometimes I don’t know whether it made me feel more worried and more consumed with illness? For many people though it is an important community and lifeline. For me I would often browse, reading other peoples stories, but wouldn’t post anything.

A month later I was starting to feel better, but an unfortunate twist of fate happened. I was in a bus crash whilst on a trip with students. Late at night the bus swerved to miss a dog and rolled onto its side. Luckily it rolled once, and fortunately on a bend on the mountains without a steep drop. It was chaos, but I went into a strange experience of reacting to this by being incredibly alert and at the same time calm. The ambulance despite the rural location of the crash didn’t take long to arrive and I went in with several others as I had a cut on my elbow - fortunately the worst injuries were broken bones. Outside I had managed to stay calm with the cool air, but inside the small van with lots of people I started to feel panicked. Around this time a friend who taught at the university reached to me from the front of the car. He held my hand. Sometimes you only realise what you need when you receive it. It was like lifeblood. The support of someone, the human touch, the mix of kindness, assurance, and warmth. That was the most important thing anyone could have given me in that moment. I recognised that for me, the human touch was vital - I needed it – and whilst I knew this before, I had never known it so fundamentally.

After this I started to make work about these two experiences of touch. What I witnessed as a forum user online, where the community of people used the written word to reach out to each other, and from the accident, who had experienced the felt touch of someone literally reaching out to me.

It brought up different questions - is it possible to touch someone with written words? Does community give the same assurances in person and online?

As technology may allow us to touch virtually, to make our bodies feel, will anything be lost? What may be gained and who might gain it?

And more currently how will confinement and social distancing because of the spread of coronavirus effect peoples sense of wellbeing in relation to touch. In this time online forums, skype, and whats app, become fundamental parts of our communication with each other and a sense of being in public. 

In the evening I went to Library Lates – International Women's Day at the Hat Factory for a talk by a panel of incredibly talented female artists based in Luton. Here they presented their practices and experiences. It was really great to hear the crossovers and support between everyone. And to hear Revoluton mentioned a lot  - who have clearly given a lot of artists support. I wrote the above sentence in my book when I was at the event. It made me think about the importance of creating space and platforms for peoples voices and creativity.

I also realised in the event how many theatre makers there are in Luton. Performance and events are really big here, and this has become more noticeable as I do the residency. 

Day 12

Today I

- Volunteered at the toddler group at the Irish Forum

- Had a mentor session

- Met with Sebastian who is part of the Polonia Group who organises events connected to Polish culture throughout the year 

- Watched 'Blinded by the Light'

The toddler group! Love the Luton Irish Forum. Its a warm and inviting building near the centre of town that organises and hosts Irish cultural events, workshops, social events, as well as providing welfare support, advocacy, and information. Its open to everyone to use and receive support. Its a really wonderful place where heritage and culture is shared and there is support for some of the worst issues people may be facing under austerity. 

I get a really warm welcome from everyone, and enjoy meeting all the volunteers (mainy who have volunteered for years at the weekly toddler group), parents and carers (mainly women today), and all the kids. The group is a good chance for parents to catch up over tea, as well as for the kids to run around and play. Each week is an activity, and today is gingerbread decoration. I notice that on St Patricks Day the group will be walking down from the Irish Centre for the parade. There seems like a really great sense of solidarity here, and I look forward to coming back next week.

Later on I meet Sebastian from Polonia - Polish Community Group. We meet up in Gospoda - a really good Polish restaurant - where I have delicious fried potato cakes with sour cream. Its brilliant to hear about Sebastian's work and I love hearing how he started this work, which happened after living several years here and noticing a need to share Polish cultural events and support for the Polish community. Its really inspiring to hear how they have been influenced by other cultural events and organisations in Luton including the Luton Mela - an organisation sharing South Asian culture, and The Irish Centre - sharing Irish culture. We talk about the relationship between cultures, and how Polish and Irish culture share a lot in terms of Catholicism, as well as oppression from neighbouring countries, and in having fun. He says each group will often get involved in each others projects.

Sebastian and the Polonia group have organised so many events in Luton - they raise a lot of money every year for charity by putting on gigs and other cultural events, and they organise carnival where he brings entire brass bands from Poland. We speak of Luton as a town of festivals. Its really interesting to hear about the obviously important role they play in Luton. 

Later on I watch Blinded by the Light (beware - spoiler alert!). A film based on journalist and writer Sarfraz Manzoor's experience of growing up in Luton as a teenager in a family who have emigrated from Pakistan. It shows the context of Luton in the 80s, particularly how racism was rife, and unemployment and job losses (his father looses his job at Vauxhall Motors) under Thatcher. In part the film focuses on Javed's (the character based on Manzoor's experiences) love of writing, and love of Bruce Springsteen's music. The film uses Springsteen's music to underline thoughts and feelings that might be shared across culture, time, and place. It is part musical, bringing in joy and hope, and there are some really sweet and funny scenes. 

I like how the music is both personal and shared in the film - there are quite a few scenes of Javed with his walkman and headphones getting into the music, but there are lots of scenes where the music is celebrated together - Roops (played by Aaron Phagura) first tells Javed about Springsteen, there are scenes of them running through Luton singing and dancing together with friends and strangers, and Javed often quotes Springsteen's lyrics to his friends and girlfriend. 

You see shots of the green fields outside the town and the motorway and you get this sense of the borderlands and that beyond Luton. The film ends with Javed leaving Luton to go to University in Manchester, and is full of hope, reconciliation, and joy, but I wonder how this plays on the idea that success is leaving Luton? I also wonder why there wasn't more made about him leaving his girlfriend (Javed seems to forget about her quite quickly at the end). Yet I found the film enjoyable to watch and with hope, and gave me insight into the history of Luton in the 80s. I just had a look at the trailer on youtube and read the comments afterwards - its really heartwarming to see how much people love it.

Luton Irish Forum - http://lutonirishforum.org/
Polonia Polish Community Group - https://www.facebook.com/PoloniaPCG/
Blinded by the Light trailer - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1YFA_J5JBU&vl=en